We all want to succeed, right? Sure! At least theoretically. But have you ever had the experience of hoping for something good and big, having it suddenly handed to you, and then finding yourself freaking out, overwhelmed?
Therapists often say that there’s positive stress as well as negative stress. But why should good news produce stress? If there’s no threat to our physical or psychic well-being, why do we panic?
From birth onward, we get messages about ourselves and our relationships with other people and with the environment generally. We frame these messages so that they tell us who we are and what we can expect from the world in our lifetimes.
Afterward we tend to interpret all inputs as reinforcing the core beliefs we have absorbed. We do much of this fundamental learning before the age of six. For most of us, the inner rule book we compile stays with us until death.
The core beliefs we hold tell us what we are capable of. They say what behavior and attributes are appropriate (or inappropriate) for people like us. They dictate how we feel about ourselves in important respects. They orient us, showing us where we belong in the world.
Let’s say you have a windfall success beyond your wildest dreams. It exceeds your time-honored expectations for yourself. It wreaks havoc with your inner norms. As you struggle to incorporate your remarkable good fortune into your view of the cosmos, you feel uncomfortable.
Big deal, you say. Get over it! But not so fast. Studies have shown that winners of lotteries dispense quickly with their excess wealth, reducing themselves in short order to the financial situation they knew before the fact. Back to baseline. People cling to their established lifestyles.
How we live, and how we approach money and risk, say a lot about how we see ourselves. What we expect from the universe, what we ask of others, and what we anticipate in the way of wealth reflect our own sense of worthiness.
As you probably realize, your sense of self-worth wasn’t born yesterday. You’ve had most of it for a very long time. It embodies your understanding of how you fit in your family and the wider community. It determines the scope of your relationships and ability and your view of your own achievements (and failures).
So how do you see yourself?
- Do you consider yourself at work to be more capable and talented than the person sitting in the next cubicle? Or do you secretly worry that you will be exposed as lacking in some ability considered essential for promotion?
- Do you seek out people who are harsh and judgmental? Or do you consistently attract affectionate, generous people who seem comfortable in their skin and have no difficulty saying what they want and how they feel?
- Do you ask yourself to work fifty hours or more a week to earn a decent amount of money? Do you find that, however much or little money you have, your savings remain the same and you must stretch to pay the monthly bills?
- Do you avoid the spotlight, worrying that if you try to command the attention of an audience, people will jeer at you?
- Is it hard for you to pamper yourself even once in a while? Or, conversely, do you find yourself incurring large, punishing amounts of debt to buy stuff for people you love that you could not otherwise afford?
- When you attempt something and are unsuccessful, do you try again? Or do you decide that it just wasn’t meant to be and then give up?
As you mentally answer these questions—and I dare you to write your responses down on paper—you will see how negative beliefs about your worth and what you are entitled to constrain your options, not because any judge has decreed that it must be so, but because you would be breaking the unspoken rules if you set yourself free.
Ideally, of course, you decide what you want—the perfect mate or enough in savings to make you feel safe and secure—and you go after it. You have no trouble spotting opportunities that advance the cause. They sprout around you like dandelions.
Filled with energy and hope, you put your shoulder to the wheel, and voilà! In time, with patience and hard work, your dreams are realized.
But if you secretly harbor the belief that you aren’t entitled to earn this or own that or to be carefree in certain ways, then of course your ideal scenario never comes into being. If your ideal scenario never materializes, then something is clearly holding you back.
In order to make it happen, you must first voice the negative emotions underlying the limiting beliefs and resistance that keep you from making longed-for changes. Otherwise you will find yourself repeatedly brought back to square one. Sabotage!
How can you do this work? By means of one of the newer mind/body techniques that allow you to interrupt the accustomed functioning of your nervous system so that you can reprogram yourself.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), or tapping, lets you access your unconscious mind via acupuncture points, clearing blockages and then reformatting yourself to achieve your goals. The method is simple, painless, and easy to apply.
When you open yourself to radical change, not only will your inner resistance disappear, but you will find enormous reservoirs of previously hidden energy and inspiration. As you remove the blinders from your eyes, you will notice more opportunities in the world around you.
Your intuition will point you toward possibilities you have never before considered. Seizing them, you will make headway on your goals with astonishing speed.
We are speaking here of abundance and not of deprivation or exploitation. You are simply realizing your potential as an individual. Your newfound prosperity and wellness will in no way detract from the success possible for others on their own personal journeys.
Indeed, having disarmed your demons, you will be able to reach out to people as never before. In place of fear and discomfort, your success will bring you fulfillment, prosperity, and an unprecedented sense of well-being.
I can show you how. Let me know when you are ready.