by Marcia | Sep 30, 2015 | Childrearing
A woman who sees me for counseling spoke recently about chatting with a man she met on an online dating site. After their initial contact he wanted to connect with her by phone or text. Noticing that he lived in a nearby town, she suggested that they meet for coffee....
by Marcia | Sep 22, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Anger, judiciously expressed and directed at a proposal rather than a person, can be helpful in negotiations, according to some research. On the home front, however, how much or how little your anger achieves will have a lot to do with the listeners’ back story....
by Marcia | Aug 11, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Many people—including some therapists!— don’t know how to express negative feelings and are afraid of doing so. Some prefer to say only things that seem likely to please their listeners. Everyone feels sadness, disappointment, shame, embarrassment, anger, and anxiety...
by Marcia | Jul 24, 2015 | Love & Marriage
Most people think getting married is procedurally pretty simple. You connect with someone you like and find attractive. You date for a while. You meet the folks and the friends. You compare notes: living and working where? how many kids? You affirm your love....
by Marcia | Jul 17, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
When I see couples for therapy, the problem is always the same: communication is blocked. It’s my job to ensure that both people speak and that both feel heard. In sessions with individuals I help clients probe their thoughts and feelings, but with couples I become a...
by Marcia | Jul 14, 2015 | Relationship Skills
I have been in practice as a social worker for twenty years, seeing adults, couples, children, and families. My experience has taught me that for all of us, or almost all, alcohol is an issue. The question is not whether you drink too much in your opinion or someone...
by Marcia | Mar 27, 2015 | Mental Health
As a psychotherapist in solo private practice, I don’t see too many people outside of work. It’s not that I’m socially phobic or antisocial—I’d be in the wrong profession if I were—but that I work at times when other people play. When evenings and Saturdays roll...
by Marcia | Mar 20, 2015 | Relationship Skills
People often need to work out their differences. George wants one thing. Sue wants another. Whether they are coworkers or spouses or in some other sort of relationship, eventually they will have to negotiate a solution so that they can move on. We are all deeply...
by Marcia | Mar 17, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Apologies are a sticky wicket for many of us. We often disown responsibility when other people’s feelings are hurt. But apologies have an amazing power to restore relationships and strengthen social ties. Most of us would rather not be wrong. It feels ever so much...
by Marcia | Jan 13, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
Sometimes the people we most want to attract are not ready for friendship or for a romantic relationship. Sometimes it seems as if the other person runs away the minute you reach out. Going after him or her almost feels like the child’s game of peekaboo: now you see...
by Marcia | Dec 30, 2014 | Relationship Skills
We all long for independence even as we crave acceptance by other people, but our bodies and our psyches demand that we set limits as part of taking care of ourselves. Saying no sometimes helps us protect ourselves from threats. Often, though, we’re afraid that other...
by Marcia | Dec 26, 2014 | Relationship Skills
Did you ever find yourself at a party or in a public setting standing next someone you’ve never seen before and wishing you knew how to break the ice? It can be an awkward moment, especially if you know who the other person is but have never been introduced. Maybe...
by Marcia | Dec 9, 2014 | Relationship Skills
All of us have a deep-seated desire to be understood and accepted as we are. Nothing conveys respect and appreciation more than effective listening. Do you know how to listen so that other people feel heard? Practice these tips. They can work magic if you use them...
by Marcia | Nov 21, 2014 | Relationship Skills
Judy Small is an Australian songwriter who has now set aside her guitar to be a federal court judge. I first heard her music in the 1980s, when I was editing books. One song in particular caught my attention. At the time I was working with an expert on the...
by Marcia | Oct 24, 2014 | Relationship Skills
Relationships are like house plants. If you want them to flourish, you must tend them carefully. You must fertilize and water them, give them sunlight, pinch off the dead parts, and supply fresh soil from time to time. To check on the health of your romantic...
