Offsetting the Legacy of Adversity

Offsetting the Legacy of Adversity

Children are like recent immigrants. They arrive with little or no command of the language or knowledge of the local customs and depend on the natives for survival. As they learn to fend for themselves, they rely heavily on their senses and their powers of...
Turning Therapy Inside Out

Turning Therapy Inside Out

What is therapy anyhow? When I put this question to clients, they usually mention talking, personal problems, and solutions, which everyone seems to assume lie within you. The insurance companies that pay me would ratchet up the definition to specify medical problems...
Tips to Exterminate Tantrums

Tips to Exterminate Tantrums

One of my child clients, a smart, pretty redhead we’ll call Marcy, comes to see me after graduating from an extended day treatment program at a local clinic. Marcy, age nine, is healthy, strong, and stubborn. She is an unenthusiastic student at school, where she...
Psychotherapy, Coaching, and Skateboards

Psychotherapy, Coaching, and Skateboards

Recently an alternative healer suggested that further training as a personal development coach could make me a far more effective therapist. This well-intentioned advice puzzled me, especially since the healer did not know my work.  How does what I do differ from...
On Becoming a Psychotherapist

On Becoming a Psychotherapist

As a psychotherapist in solo private practice, I don’t see too many people outside of work. It’s not that I’m socially phobic or antisocial—I’d be in the wrong profession if I were—but that I work at times when other people play. When evenings and Saturdays roll...
Talk Therapy: Who’s on First?

Talk Therapy: Who’s on First?

What do people want from therapy? Any solution depends on how the problem is defined, of course. The question you ask determines the answer you get.  We therapists must all assess before we treat. When they take a history, social workers factor in each person’s life...
I Can’t Help It

I Can’t Help It

As a psychotherapist, I work in a “helping profession.” It’s a label that many people swallow whole, without chewing. But what does it even mean? Most people think professional caregivers focus not on making money but on serving others. Still, help is in the eye of...
What My Clients Have Taught Me

What My Clients Have Taught Me

I chose psychotherapy as my work in the world because it lets me imagine how it might have felt to be born as someone else. I feel privileged to hear other people talk about their lives. My hours of listening have taught me many things. Most of us licensed therapists...
Psychotherapy as Education

Psychotherapy as Education

Traditional educational goals have never been under fire more than they are now in the age of the Internet. Cogent arguments have been made that rote learning is pointless. We need only to know where to find information. If so, what exactly should schools be doing? ...
A Psychotherapist, a Psychiatrist, or Both?

A Psychotherapist, a Psychiatrist, or Both?

Most people come to see me for help not with serious mental illness but with problems dished out by the school of hard knocks. On a first visit we scope the territory, I set up a mental database, and we set goals for our work together. No matter what the issues are,...
Advocate on Behalf of Your Troubled Child

Advocate on Behalf of Your Troubled Child

American families seeking mental health services for troubled children in the community today face a daunting challenge. Budgets are tight, resources are hard to access, and demand exceeds supply. Parents do well to become forceful advocates. Scarce benefits go to...
How I Do Therapy with Children

How I Do Therapy with Children

You are worried that something is wrong with your child. Perhaps worse, you doubt your own ability to fix it, and so you are bringing your child to see me, a therapist. It seems only fair, under the circumstances, that I should tell you up front what I can do for you...
Ten Reasons to Fire Your Therapist

Ten Reasons to Fire Your Therapist

Back in the days before I became a therapist, I went to see therapists. Lots of them. Over a period of decades. Most of them have all but vanished from memory. I got nothing out of most of the sessions. So why did I keep on going? My mother died when I was twelve. I...