by Marcia | Jan 21, 2016 | Social Skills
Once your children have grown and left you, their schools and extracurricular activities are no longer a good bet for meeting similarly situated adults. You may prefer not to rub shoulders with coworkers once the workday is done. Whether you are looking for a BFF, a...
by Marcia | Dec 24, 2015 | Healthy Aging, Living Well
Maybe it’s just because I take extra time off for the Christmas holidays. Or maybe it’s a sign of advancing age. Whatever the reason, I find myself increasingly savoring small things. These days I notice my senses more and the news they bring me. I relish the thrust...
by Marcia | Dec 15, 2015 | Setting and Achieving Goals
The end-of-year holidays form a kind of time tunnel linking the present with the past and the future. When they roll around, we take stock. What do they mean this year? How are things different from last year? We may nostalgically remember times past, before Mom died...
by Marcia | Dec 1, 2015 | Childrearing
How do you give really bad news to children? What should you say when a natural disaster hits or when someone important dies? How can you parse a divorce for a child—or bankruptcy or foreclosure or drug addiction or crime? This world has so many kinds of adversity....
by Marcia | Nov 17, 2015 | Childrearing
“My child is out of control!” I have heard this heartfelt cry so many times from parents who are frustrated at not being obeyed. But the problem is not simply a matter of exacting compliance. Let’s start by considering the complaint. When you say “out of control,” you...
by Marcia | Nov 6, 2015 | Childrearing
Below are more ways of improving your children’s behavior without bringing out the big guns. As with the last batch of suggestions, these defuse tension by relying on a sense of humor, which gets you results without resentment. In the Doghouse Sometimes it’s...
by Marcia | Oct 30, 2015 | Childrearing
It’s great when parents can correct a young child without provoking tension, conflict, and a power struggle. One way of doing this is to use some form of playful humor to make your point. Some of the examples below work well in families with several children. ...
by Marcia | Oct 23, 2015 | Workplace and Career
In America, one of the first questions adults ask one another is, “What kind of work do you do?” For most of us, our jobs are part of who we are. So how do you find something you enjoy doing that will be a good fit financially and in other respects as...
by Marcia | Oct 16, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
Carol and Eric, married for twenty years and with children at home, came to see me on the brink of divorce. Carol was seething with a cold rage. Eric was penitent, in obvious pain, desperate to save their marriage. Carol said, “We both know we had a sacred agreement....
by Marcia | Oct 13, 2015 | Childrearing
Back in the Dark Ages when I was about five years old, I can remember lying on my bed and sobbing, then hearing my father’s angry voice—“I’m not going to put up with this!”—and his footsteps coming swiftly down the hall toward my room. I got a spanking that day and on...
by Marcia | Oct 6, 2015 | Childrearing
Children are like recent immigrants. They arrive with little or no command of the language or knowledge of the local customs and depend on the natives for survival. As they learn to fend for themselves, they rely heavily on their senses and their powers of...
by Marcia | Sep 30, 2015 | Childrearing
A woman who sees me for counseling spoke recently about chatting with a man she met on an online dating site. After their initial contact he wanted to connect with her by phone or text. Noticing that he lived in a nearby town, she suggested that they meet for coffee....
by Marcia | Sep 25, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
Many unhappy couples go to counselors together before calling it quits. Many of the counselors believe that their job as professionals is to save the partnership. Dr. Phil is an example. “You know you’re ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door...
by Marcia | Sep 22, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Anger, judiciously expressed and directed at a proposal rather than a person, can be helpful in negotiations, according to some research. On the home front, however, how much or how little your anger achieves will have a lot to do with the listeners’ back story....
by Marcia | Sep 18, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Usually when we speak of hypocrisy, it’s to scold someone. Practice what you preach! we say righteously. What business does anyone have doing things that he or she disapproves of others’ doing? Isn’t this the pot calling the kettle black? But not so fast. Often the...
by Marcia | Sep 15, 2015 | Medical Care, Mental Health
You may have noticed in recent years that more and more doctors are hanging out new shingles. The sign that used to read “Roger Kurall, MD,” now says something like “Cheatham Hospital Medical Group.” The same change is in the works for...
by Marcia | Sep 8, 2015 | Relationship Skills
As a therapist, I find that my biggest single job is help people connect with themselves and each other. In fact, you will have trouble connecting with anyone else if you cannot connect with yourself. You must be able to touch base with your heart, your mind, and all...
by Marcia | Sep 4, 2015 | Living Well
A few weeks ago, after my dear old cat died, I looked for a new one. Enter BosBos (pronounced BoesBoes), almost two years old. Half Egyptian Mau and half Arabian Mau, he suffered abuse in the streets of Egypt before being flown to an Egyptian cat rescue last year....
by Marcia | Sep 1, 2015 | Childrearing, Learning
Sick and tired of computer games that isolate kids in cyberspace while keeping their eyes riveted on the monitor? Board and card games, better for young brains and bodies, are also great ways of having fun while building social awareness, fine motor skills, and...
by Marcia | Aug 25, 2015 | Living Well
Throughout history, games have offered people relief from the stresses of the everyday world. Play lets you fool around and have fun in a make-believe universe where risks and consequences aren’t a problem. Good games also have some not-so-obvious benefits....
by Marcia | Aug 21, 2015 | Childrearing
When a child breaks household rules, many parents invoke consequences. “Okay, that’s it,” they say. “No cell phone. No computer. No iPad. No Wii.” Sometimes kids are grounded for months. Consequences of this sort are really just ordinary punishment, which usually...
by Marcia | Aug 18, 2015 | Living Well, Mental Health
What is therapy anyhow? When I put this question to clients, they usually mention talking, personal problems, and solutions, which everyone seems to assume lie within you. The insurance companies that pay me would ratchet up the definition to specify medical problems...
by Marcia | Aug 11, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Many people—including some therapists!— don’t know how to express negative feelings and are afraid of doing so. Some prefer to say only things that seem likely to please their listeners. Everyone feels sadness, disappointment, shame, embarrassment, anger, and anxiety...
by Marcia | Aug 4, 2015 | Living Well
When I was about ten years old, my mother bought me piano lessons. It was the mid-1950s, and we were living in Washington, D.C., in those days still a sleepy town. My mother would drop me off at the teacher’s ranch house in Chevy Chase. Helen Jenks was a lonely...
by Marcia | Jul 31, 2015 | Living Well, Workplace and Career
Life is unpredictably challenging. Relationships are a rollercoaster. Work can be endlessly frustrating. Stress is exhausting. How many tools do you have in your kit to help you cope? Try these. 1. Are you in a dreadful situation with no way to escape? While you go...
by Marcia | Jul 28, 2015 | Love & Marriage
He’s married, and he looks at another woman. She, with a husband and two kids, lunches alone with a single male coworker. Does this behavior amount to cheating? What about text messages and phone calls? In the television series Orange Is the New Black, Piper has sex...
by Marcia | Jul 24, 2015 | Love & Marriage
Most people think getting married is procedurally pretty simple. You connect with someone you like and find attractive. You date for a while. You meet the folks and the friends. You compare notes: living and working where? how many kids? You affirm your love....
by Marcia | Jul 21, 2015 | Love & Marriage
When I was a kid, back in prehistoric times, someone published a book with answers to all the questions people had about sex (so the title proclaimed) but were afraid to ask. Nowadays no one seems to be afraid of asking anything, but sex is still a bugaboo. He doesn’t...
by Marcia | Jul 17, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
When I see couples for therapy, the problem is always the same: communication is blocked. It’s my job to ensure that both people speak and that both feel heard. In sessions with individuals I help clients probe their thoughts and feelings, but with couples I become a...
by Marcia | Jul 14, 2015 | Relationship Skills
I have been in practice as a social worker for twenty years, seeing adults, couples, children, and families. My experience has taught me that for all of us, or almost all, alcohol is an issue. The question is not whether you drink too much in your opinion or someone...
by Marcia | Jul 10, 2015 | Childrearing
One of my child clients, a smart, pretty redhead we’ll call Marcy, comes to see me after graduating from an extended day treatment program at a local clinic. Marcy, age nine, is healthy, strong, and stubborn. She is an unenthusiastic student at school, where she...
by Marcia | Jul 7, 2015 | Living Well, Relationship Skills
Friends may be the family we choose, but they can unfriend us and not just on Facebook. Once they do, we feel excluded, rejected. Family, on the other hand, stays the same no matter what even if some relatives aren’t on speaking terms. The mere fact of blood ties is...
by Marcia | Jun 30, 2015 | Anger Management, Relationship Skills
It is tempting to go for payback when someone disses you. If you cut me dead on the street last week, or failed to respond when I as a neighbor asked for your help, the angry part of me might have wanted to hurt you. How could you do this to me? I probably wondered. A...
by Marcia | Jun 26, 2015 | Mental Health
Recently an alternative healer suggested that further training as a personal development coach could make me a far more effective therapist. This well-intentioned advice puzzled me, especially since the healer did not know my work. How does what I do differ from...
by Marcia | Jun 23, 2015 | Anger Management, Relationship Skills
In the wake of the June 17 shooting at Charleston’s Emanuel A.M.E. Church, the nation’s journalists have expressed outrage, horror, and grief in words familiar from responses to past atrocities. Dylann Storm Roof, denounced as a terrorist and a racist madman, may be...
by Marcia | Jun 19, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
The older we get, the more likely we are to have been betrayed in the past. Particularly when betrayal comes early in life, and certainly when it happens repeatedly, it haunts us. We work frantically to prevent a recurrence. This is where distrust begins. Betrayal...
by Marcia | Jun 16, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
The couples who come to see me have reached an impasse. Often they can’t talk without yelling and insulting each other. Sometimes they can’t keep house in a way that satisfies them both. Often one feels burdened and believes the other is not doing enough. Always the...
by Marcia | Jun 9, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Because of the authority that we as a society vest in doctors, medicine is a useful place to start thinking about the many ways in which we all try to make decisions for other people. The problem has to do with differences in point of view. In medicine,...
by Marcia | Jun 5, 2015 | Learning, Living Well
Back in the days when fathers burned autumn leaves after raking them, when schools and churches kept their doors unlocked, and when term papers were produced on typewriters, not all games were packed in plastic and sold in stores. Sure, you could buy games. But back...
by Marcia | Jun 2, 2015 | Learning, Living Well
As the end of the school year approaches, American kids are groaning about tests and exams. Parents worry. Will Sally flunk history? Will Jason scrape by in biology? What about their grade point averages and college applications? I remember it well. In high school...
by Marcia | May 29, 2015 | Learning, Living Well
Daniel Boorstin, the eminent American historian and Librarian of Congress, collected old maps. One wall of his home in suburban Maryland held a replica of a colored map of Africa drawn in perhaps the thirteenth century. In addition to some predictable geographical...
by Marcia | May 26, 2015 | Living Well, Medical Care
The professional hierarchy, at least in America, places physicians at the top and lawyers in the middle while everyone else jockeys for position somewhere below. You might dispute your lawyer’s advice, but if you lived during the last two centuries, you probably...
by Marcia | May 22, 2015 | Healthy Aging, Living Well
In my daily work as a psychotherapist I see that hopelessness and stress often produce despair. I wonder whether we can conquer these problems at least some of the time by viewing them from a different vantage point. Can we beat the stress by retelling our stories so...
by Marcia | May 19, 2015 | Living Well
If you’d like your days to exhibit a little more order and stability, stop to take stock of the seasonal events that help you orient yourself. What is your favorite time of year? What do you like about it? What rituals do you look forward to? Holidays and seasonal...
by Marcia | May 15, 2015 | Learning, Living Well
We all want to succeed, right? Sure! At least theoretically. But have you ever had the experience of hoping for something good and big, having it suddenly handed to you, and then finding yourself freaking out, overwhelmed? Therapists often say that there’s positive...
by Marcia | May 12, 2015 | Healthy Living, Learning
Losses accumulate over a lifetime. It is said that people worry about finances and finding the right relationship more than anything else. This article presupposes that you have a goal, a plan, and steps to reach it, but you shy away from the work to be done like a...
by Marcia | May 5, 2015 | Workplace and Career
You hate leaving for the office every morning. How great it would be to work from home, you think. There would be no ornery hovering boss, no backbiting coworkers, and no oppressive, dehumanizing working conditions. Banished! Not so fast. Work from home, great as it...
by Marcia | May 1, 2015 | Love & Marriage
As a way of meeting a long-term partner, online dating sites are now second only to meeting through friends. This short guide includes some extra information to help older daters feel more comfortable with this still relatively new way of finding a companion. If...
by Marcia | Apr 28, 2015 | Living Well
Some people argue that you shape your own reality, that your mind determines what you get in life. Evidence for this proposition has been put forth by various writers approaching the question from differing perspectives. Pam Grout writes experiments that let you prove...
by Marcia | Apr 24, 2015 | Childrearing
Ever wonder why some kids seem to have it all? Some children succeed in school, have lots of friends, and look confident. In a group they appear connected to others and seem to be having fun. On their own, they take pride in their talents and achievements. They are...
by Marcia | Apr 21, 2015 | Love & Marriage
Divorce forces you to figure out who you are without the other person. This statement sounds obvious and simple, right? Still, if the two of you have been married for many years, perhaps raising children together, it can be anything but. You are accustomed to allowing...
by Marcia | Apr 17, 2015 | Living Well, Setting and Achieving Goals
Too often as we pursue our daily lives we have no sense of overarching purpose. We assume that what we want will somehow magically come if we keep putting one foot in front of the other. We will recognize the mysterious thing we desire when we see it. Not only is...
by Marcia | Apr 14, 2015 | Relationship Skills
From time to time I see clients who say they have an anger management problem. When I ask about it, they tell me stories of frustration. A middle-aged music teacher with a private practice in the evenings becomes enraged when her boyfriend routinely calls her after...
by Marcia | Apr 11, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Some forms of interpersonal conflict cause so much pain and suffering that they demand special attention as problems in communication. These include cutoffs and deeply entrenched bad feelings, both of which can persist for years. At the heart of these difficult...
by Marcia | Apr 7, 2015 | Living Well
Money means different things to different people. It may be a scarce commodity, pursued like a sort of Holy Grail, or it may be the reliable source of treats—a fancy cell phone, prestige wheels, or a glamorous vacation. Money may be gratifying in the present but...
by Marcia | Mar 31, 2015 | Anxiety, Mental Health
The passage from winter into spring can be a tough time: problems at work, family with cabin fever, hostile winter weather clasping the earth in a viselike grip, and the approach of April 15, the dreaded deadline for Americans’ filing of income taxes—all hard, bad...
by Marcia | Mar 27, 2015 | Mental Health
As a psychotherapist in solo private practice, I don’t see too many people outside of work. It’s not that I’m socially phobic or antisocial—I’d be in the wrong profession if I were—but that I work at times when other people play. When evenings and Saturdays roll...
by Marcia | Mar 24, 2015 | Healthy Aging, Living Well
As we move from ice and snow into the blooming time here in the Northeast, it’s easy to say goodbye to winter. We can hardly wait for the gentle breezes, the bird songs, and the feel of soft cotton against our skin. Other goodbyes are harder. We have trouble with them...
by Marcia | Mar 20, 2015 | Relationship Skills
People often need to work out their differences. George wants one thing. Sue wants another. Whether they are coworkers or spouses or in some other sort of relationship, eventually they will have to negotiate a solution so that they can move on. We are all deeply...
by Marcia | Mar 17, 2015 | Relationship Skills
Apologies are a sticky wicket for many of us. We often disown responsibility when other people’s feelings are hurt. But apologies have an amazing power to restore relationships and strengthen social ties. Most of us would rather not be wrong. It feels ever so much...
by Marcia | Mar 13, 2015 | Childrearing
Most of what I know about children I have learned by observing them. What children say is only a small part of the story. How they look, act, and respond to their immediate environment—as well as to you and me—is far more important. The longer you look, and the more...
by Marcia | Mar 10, 2015 | Childrearing
Some children struggle to make and keep friends. You can use this list of pointers to help your child develop social skills. The conversation can also be a springboard for discussion of the many ways of enjoying other people’s company. Let someone know you’d like to...
by Marcia | Mar 3, 2015 | Love & Marriage
Another relationship went south and you ask yourself why. You found this great guy (or gal). Your eyes met across a crowded room, and—wow! Heaven and earth moved. You just knew that this was The One. The two of you got acquainted on a couple of heady dates and hopped...
by Marcia | Feb 27, 2015 | Anxiety, Mental Health
Many people come to see me in hopes that I can help them get rid of their anxiety. But as Irvin Yalom wrote in his wonderful book Existential Psychotherapy, anxiety comes with being human. You can’t erase it. You can manage it. In fact we all do so—by finding ways to...
by Marcia | Feb 24, 2015 | Healthy Aging
Let’s say you’re in your forties, fifties, or sixties. Your parents, still alive and in their seventies or older, are ailing, either one or both, and you’re responsible for their care. What can you do when their safety is at stake and they refuse to follow your...
by Marcia | Feb 20, 2015 | Living Well, Setting and Achieving Goals
Some years ago I heard about a home for abused women that taught them various skills to help them find jobs. The article quoted Andrea, who had become a Spanish-English interpreter in the courts for women who had suffered domestic violence. Andrea was passionate about...
by Marcia | Feb 17, 2015 | Mental Health
What do people want from therapy? Any solution depends on how the problem is defined, of course. The question you ask determines the answer you get. We therapists must all assess before we treat. When they take a history, social workers factor in each person’s life...
by Marcia | Feb 13, 2015 | Love & Marriage
It has never been easier to send chocolates and flowers on Valentine’s Day. A click and a few keyboarded numbers will do the job. But how genuine and heartfelt is a gesture that involves so little real thought and effort? There’s a better way. The suggestions below...
by Marcia | Feb 10, 2015 | Mental Health, Relationship Skills
As a psychotherapist, I work in a “helping profession.” It’s a label that many people swallow whole, without chewing. But what does it even mean? Most people think professional caregivers focus not on making money but on serving others. Still, help is in the eye of...
by Marcia | Feb 6, 2015 | Love & Marriage
Often people ask me to tell them if a relationship is over. Mostly they want me to read someone else’s behavior, to say how I think the other person may be feeling and whether or not she (or he) will ever change. So what would I say if you asked me these questions?...
by Marcia | Feb 3, 2015 | Love & Marriage
When I was twelve, my mother died of cancer. She had been ill for seven years. A beautiful redhead in her youth, she increasingly isolated as the disease ravaged her. Over time, I became her sole companion. Now, as a child I could hardly be held responsible for...
by Marcia | Jan 30, 2015 | Healthy Aging, Mental Health
I chose psychotherapy as my work in the world because it lets me imagine how it might have felt to be born as someone else. I feel privileged to hear other people talk about their lives. My hours of listening have taught me many things. Most of us licensed therapists...
by Marcia | Jan 27, 2015 | Living Well, Mental Health
No matter how you think or feel, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual seems ready to produce evidence that something is wrong with you. Obsessions and compulsions are a case in point. Ever find yourself plagued with a thought or a worry? It’s as if a bar of music had...
by Marcia | Jan 23, 2015 | Living Well
Traditional educational goals have never been under fire more than they are now in the age of the Internet. Cogent arguments have been made that rote learning is pointless. We need only to know where to find information. If so, what exactly should schools be doing? ...
by Marcia | Jan 20, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
How can people connect more easily with each other, casually or when they are looking for love? Are there magic tricks that help transform strangers into friends and friends into lovers and partners? Recent research offers some clues. Companies often use a simple...
by Marcia | Jan 16, 2015 | Mental Health
Most people come to see me for help not with serious mental illness but with problems dished out by the school of hard knocks. On a first visit we scope the territory, I set up a mental database, and we set goals for our work together. No matter what the issues are,...
by Marcia | Jan 13, 2015 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
Sometimes the people we most want to attract are not ready for friendship or for a romantic relationship. Sometimes it seems as if the other person runs away the minute you reach out. Going after him or her almost feels like the child’s game of peekaboo: now you see...
by Marcia | Jan 9, 2015 | Childrearing
In the process of childrearing it’s easy to get sidetracked by day-to-day concerns involving school and home, but it’s important to step back and look at the big picture from time to time. What should your primary goals be as a parent? Try this mission statement on...
by Marcia | Jan 6, 2015 | Relationship Skills
What emotion packs the biggest wallop? It’s anger, of course. When someone gets mad, we all watch out for yelling, hurtful words, and violence. Anger pumps people up, but observers often feel as helpless as if they were watching a volcano erupt. Before we look at...
by Marcia | Jan 2, 2015 | Living Well, Setting and Achieving Goals
New Year’s resolutions? Ugh. We’ve all been there, done that. It can be fun to read them years after the fact—all the good intentions most of which never got off the drawing board. To make changes that stick, of course, you need to do more than make a list in...
by Marcia | Dec 30, 2014 | Relationship Skills
We all long for independence even as we crave acceptance by other people, but our bodies and our psyches demand that we set limits as part of taking care of ourselves. Saying no sometimes helps us protect ourselves from threats. Often, though, we’re afraid that other...
by Marcia | Dec 26, 2014 | Relationship Skills
Did you ever find yourself at a party or in a public setting standing next someone you’ve never seen before and wishing you knew how to break the ice? It can be an awkward moment, especially if you know who the other person is but have never been introduced. Maybe...
by Marcia | Dec 23, 2014 | Healthy Aging, Living Well
Unlike an autobiography, which simply tells a life story, a memoir taps into universal truths and lets us find echoes of them in our own lives. In the movie Shadowlands, a university student remembers his father’s saying, “We read to know that we are not alone.”...
by Marcia | Dec 19, 2014 | Relationship Skills
What will happen if I flirt with this gal or guy? Could the nerd who winked at me online be The One? Should I give this chick another chance on a second date? How fast is too fast to hop into bed or move in together? Everyone wants to love and feel loved by someone,...
by Marcia | Dec 16, 2014 | Learning, Living Well
Creativity is a fundamental part of human nature, something to which all of us can lay claim. Okay, you did not ghost write War and Peace, create the first flying machine, or paint Guernica. But everyone experiences wonderful imaginative leaps in daily life at least...
by Marcia | Dec 12, 2014 | Living Well, Setting and Achieving Goals
Habits have lots of virtues. They add comforting structure to our lives and help us counteract chaos. They give us a safety net by letting us go on automatic pilot in times of crisis. In novel situations we rely on habits just because we gravitate wherever possible...
by Marcia | Dec 9, 2014 | Relationship Skills
All of us have a deep-seated desire to be understood and accepted as we are. Nothing conveys respect and appreciation more than effective listening. Do you know how to listen so that other people feel heard? Practice these tips. They can work magic if you use them...
by Marcia | Dec 5, 2014 | Living Well, Setting and Achieving Goals
During the recent Thanksgiving holiday, I took ten days off. For a full week and a half I would leave my daily responsibilities behind, I thought. I was going to rejoice, kick up my heels, and indulge in carefree play! As my holiday started, though, I found myself...
by Marcia | Dec 2, 2014 | Childrearing
Speech is not as important to children as it is to adults. Children have a smaller vocabulary than grownups and don’t depend on words to express their feelings. If you’re a parent, you need to look at the big picture to know what’s going on with your kid. Therapists...
by Marcia | Nov 28, 2014 | Love & Marriage
Romance and companionship are easiest to find when we are young, but opportunities are still there for older folks if you know where to look. The wider you cast your net, the more likely you are to succeed. The educational system, from high school through university...
by Marcia | Nov 21, 2014 | Relationship Skills
Judy Small is an Australian songwriter who has now set aside her guitar to be a federal court judge. I first heard her music in the 1980s, when I was editing books. One song in particular caught my attention. At the time I was working with an expert on the...
by Marcia | Nov 18, 2014 | Workplace and Career
People who are struggling to choose a career or decide whether to leave bad jobs often ask me how I became a social worker and a therapist. Although my journey was unique in many respects, I think the searching process I went through is much the same for everyone....
by Marcia | Nov 14, 2014 | Learning
Did you know that your fingers talk to your brain? They help you process feelings and ideas much as your teeth prepare mouthfuls of food for digestion. In front of the sofa in my office there is a coffee table with a few things on it, including a geode, a huge pine...
by Marcia | Nov 11, 2014 | Healthy Aging, Living Well
When we think about being healthy, mentally and otherwise, we usually think in terms of food, sleep, and exercise. But there are many other components to good health, and one of them is opportunities to socialize. It’s not healthy to be lonely. The need for...
by Marcia | Nov 7, 2014 | Living Well, Relationship Skills
Therapists like to tell people to talk about their feelings. But why? And if it’s important to do this, why do a lot of people avoid it? One father earnestly told his child, “Nobody wants to know how you feel. They just want to know that you will act rationally.” If...
by Marcia | Nov 4, 2014 | Setting and Achieving Goals, Workplace and Career
We all have work we just hate doing. For me the worst thing is income tax preparation, and it happens every year. I hate adding up income and expenses. I hate wading through invoices and receipts. I hate paperwork anyway. And the whole thing takes up too much time. So...
by Marcia | Oct 31, 2014 | Childrearing
American families seeking mental health services for troubled children in the community today face a daunting challenge. Budgets are tight, resources are hard to access, and demand exceeds supply. Parents do well to become forceful advocates. Scarce benefits go to...
by Marcia | Oct 28, 2014 | Living Well
Did you know that exposure to the natural world is good for you? I bet you did even if you never thought about it until now. You don’t need a classroom to teach you this. As you move through each day, try asking yourself this question: how does nature inform your...
by Marcia | Oct 24, 2014 | Relationship Skills
Relationships are like house plants. If you want them to flourish, you must tend them carefully. You must fertilize and water them, give them sunlight, pinch off the dead parts, and supply fresh soil from time to time. To check on the health of your romantic...
by Marcia | Oct 21, 2014 | Relationship Skills
You have found this great guy or gal. This person is good-looking, and the sparks fly between you. Your relationship, shiny and new, is off and running. You both have stars in your eyes. Nevertheless, if you are hoping for a long-term commitment you will want to watch...
by Marcia | Oct 17, 2014 | Living Well
It can feel hard or easy to make a decision. Deciding that you want swordfish for dinner may be easy. Deciding whether to buy a new car or a used one may seem harder. It may be harder still to choose between going back to school and finding a full-time job. Whatever...
by Marcia | Oct 14, 2014 | Childrearing, Mental Health
You are worried that something is wrong with your child. Perhaps worse, you doubt your own ability to fix it, and so you are bringing your child to see me, a therapist. It seems only fair, under the circumstances, that I should tell you up front what I can do for you...
by Marcia | Oct 10, 2014 | Childrearing
Children as medicine? No, I do not mean “children and medicine.” I am not talking about how to raise them, and I am certainly not suggesting that you bring a child into this world so that you can heal yourself in some way. I have in mind the natural...
by Marcia | Oct 7, 2014 | Love & Marriage
The couples who come to see me are often people who fight about housekeeping. For the sake of argument, let’s assume that the plaintiff is the husband and the defendant the wife. Still, the roles are often reversed. Hubby Gerald argues that wife Sheila is impossibly...
by Marcia | Oct 3, 2014 | Living Well
These days more people have less and less money to spend. Living well doesn’t necessarily mean tolerating hardship. If you are creative, you can continue to enjoy your perks while knowing exactly where your pennies go. These tips will help you spend your money wisely....
by Marcia | Sep 30, 2014 | Love & Marriage
If you are looking for a long-term partner, you want to be emotionally available. Huh? What is “emotionally available”? Isn’t it enough to be not married or not in a relationship with someone else? Not exactly. Let me explain. In the discussion below, disregard the...
by Marcia | Sep 26, 2014 | Mental Health
Back in the days before I became a therapist, I went to see therapists. Lots of them. Over a period of decades. Most of them have all but vanished from memory. I got nothing out of most of the sessions. So why did I keep on going? My mother died when I was twelve. I...
by Marcia | Sep 23, 2014 | Relationship Skills
Friendships don’t come into being overnight. Once established, they mellow with time. A few simple rules can help people stay connected over the years through thick and thin. If your best friend does these ten things, you are blessed. If you do them, other people will...
by Marcia | Sep 19, 2014 | Childrearing
I’ve been a stepparent, and I’ve had a stepparent. If this history doesn’t make me sound like an expert, let me say that as a psychotherapist I’ve listened to dozens of stepparents, their spouses, and their stepchildren. Stepparents have a tough job, but a few...
by Marcia | Sep 16, 2014 | Relationship Skills
You want him to propose. You want her to have sex with you. You want your kid to do as you say. How do you make this happen? You probably hint at what you want. If you are brave you ask. Then you ask again. Maybe you try justifying your request. You might even argue...
by Marcia | Sep 12, 2014 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
You can set the stage for romance in bed and elsewhere by following a few simple rules. No, I’m not talking about wine, candles, and roses. I’m talking about attitude. Some people think of sex simply as something to have or do. It’s easy to see how this mindset...
by Marcia | Sep 9, 2014 | Living Well
Feeling tired, stressed, irritable, or anxious? Modern life gives adults a tough row to hoe, particularly when the weather and world events look grim. If the daily grind seems out of control and almost more than you can bear, you might want to stop and take stock of...
by Marcia | Sep 5, 2014 | Love & Marriage, Relationship Skills
The process by which people size each other up is far more complicated than online dating might lead you to believe. Two people can exchange a zillion emails with photos, but they will know far more about each other in a split second when they finally meet face to...
by Marcia | Sep 2, 2014 | Living Well
You and I know that we live in a high-tech world. We cope with problems, stress, and uncertainty on a daily basis. Even if your workplace, your home, and your neighborhood seem pretty safe and secure, just look at the plight of the wider world around us! To cope with...
by Marcia | Sep 17, 2012 | Social Skills
The word “respect” stems from the Latin, “to look back,” or “to look again.” The verb means, according to my crumbling Merriam Webster’s Third New International, “to consider worthy of esteem” or, as a noun,...
by Marcia | Jul 19, 2012 | Relationship Skills, Social Skills
What communication and conflict resolution skills do you need for interpersonal relationships? The checklist below lets you take stock of your strengths and weaknesses and set goals for growth and development. Talk about each item with one or more people who know you...
by Marcia | Jun 24, 2012 | Relationship Skills
Do you feel shy and uncomfortable meeting new people for the first time? Is it hard to start a conversation? If shyness is a problem for you, maybe you think Everybody’s looking at me. They’ll see I’m not like everyone else. People will think what I...
by Marcia | Apr 29, 2012 | Anxiety, Living Well
These days it seems as if everyone is worried about money and paying the bills. Nothing tops financial stress when it comes to making people feel anxious, powerless, and stuck. If money problems plague you, here’s help. You can get a head start on stress and...
